I feel like the more good news I get, the more I let my guard down. My guard is protecting me right now from getting "attached" to this pregnancy and being completely heartbroken if I get bad news. I realize beta numbers indicate that my hormones are headed in the right directions, but it's not an indication that it's a "viable" pregnancy. I really wish they would have done an ultrasound sooner. {And I can't help but think that if I could have gone back to see my old doctors they would have by now.} I'm trying to remain at a healthy distance but also enjoy the fact that I am pregnant. I mean, this is what I've been wanting for a very, very, very long time. So I have a right to enjoy it, and hope... but at the same time, my guard will stay up just because I know all that can go wrong.
I've been the 1 in 4 women who experience miscarriage 4 times. The odds have always been against me. But for some reason this time I feel like I get to be those 3 other women who carry a pregnancy full term and bring home a healthy baby.
6 days. For 6 more days I get to enjoy this pregnancy and nothing is wrong. For 6 more days I get to dream and hope. Once again, I am so grateful to be here right now. ♥
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