{5 days turned into 2}

I got a call this afternoon from the doctor's office. Apparently, when they confirmed my ultrasound for Wednesday, there was no ultrasound to confirm. {I'm losing faith in this OB office by the minute.} So they rescheduled me for Monday morning at 9am. I'm glad they said Monday because Thursday or Friday and I would have been livid. Liv. vid. The only downside was telling the supervisor that I was going to be late on Monday. My job isn't one where I can just take a morning off no problem, they have to find someone to replace me and 1 day's notice is frowned upon. Luckily it worked out. I can already see being a high-risk-pregnant-lady and this job are going to be problematic. Sorry job, this pregnancy is my top priority right now.

I have 2 days. I'm a mix of emotions right now. Part of me is excited-- I see going in there and seeing my little one and hearing the heartbeat and being happy and excited and crying. I see carrying a baby full term and delivering and my dream coming true. This part of me is primarily my heart because I know from the bottom to top of my heart that I am a mother and I want a child more than anything.

The other part of me is protecting me. It's preparing for bad news... or no news... or confusion. It's preparing for those dreaded words, "I'm so sorry but..." It's thinking about all of the ultrasounds I had and all the bad news I got. It's going back to finding no heartbeat with my daughter at 16w. It's going back to being told my next pregnancy was ectopic and had to be ended. It's going back to those moments when I felt like the whole world was against me.

It's hard going from excited to nervous in the same 5 minutes. I'm trying not to think about it and just enjoy this.

This pregnancy so far has been smooth. Everything is right on track. It has been completely different from my last 4. I hope and pray that this pregnancy will be completely successful. For the next 2 days, I am pregnant. For the next 2 days, nothing is wrong. For the next 2 days, I will enjoy this and be thankful.