{Definitely the Little Baby That Could}

Definitely. Definitely. Definitely!

This baby is growing. So take that incompetent doctor!

I went to the new doctor today and it was like night and day. Not only did I speak to an actual doctor, she came up with an actual plan to treat what we already know I have working against me, AND she ran more tests "just to be safe". Home run new doctor.

Home run.

Part of the plan was a repeat ultrasound. This made me very, very, very nervous. I had to wait until their regularly scheduled patients had all been seen. As I'm sitting there my hands are shaking, my stomach is in knots, and I think I got up to pee at least three times. Finally I get in and hands are still shaking. The tech was super nice and checks everything then puts it up on the big screen. She points to the baby and says, "there is your absolutely perfect little baby." The heart rate was 113, up from Monday, and everything looked perfect. The doctor came in and agreed. I was so relieved.

I'm 6w2d today. Exactly where I should be with a 43 day cycle. I am so, so, so thankful. I'm still pregnant and everything is fine. ♥

{The Little Baby That Could?}

I was a nervous wreck all weekend and it only got worse... last night I tossed and turned and woke up every hour afraid I'd overslept. We headed to the office and go in to the dark room. My heart was beating out of my chest. As soon as the screen came up, I saw the little sac and the fluttering heartbeat. I almost started crying... She says the heart rate is 104, and you're measuring around 5 weeks. I was so full of joy. There was the tiny flutter I had hoped for.

Then the appointment went downhill.

First. I have no idea why they are making me see the midwife. The deal with this office is that you have to have your "First OB Appointment" before you see your doctor. I had scheduled it for this Wednesday. I have a doctor picked out {I think}. I go in to see the midwife. She asks about my pregnancy symptoms. I say they are all going strong, but no morning sickness yet. She asks if I'm spotting/cramping, I said nope. Then she says... Well, I don't want to give you false hope, but you're going to miscarry.

W.T.H.?

I'm completely caught off guard by this.

She says the baby is small and the heart rate is too slow and I need to prepare to go to the ER this week.

W.T.H.? Again.

Ok, I'll give you that by my dates I should be 8 weeks. But how many times do I have to have to explain to her that my cycles are 40-50 days. She doesn't seem to understand that I didn't get a BFP until day 43. So yes, by my dates, I'm 3 weeks behind. However, every due date calculator I've used online that takes into account your cycle length {this is the best one I've found: http://www.pregnology.com/} says I'm somewhere in the late 5w - 6w range. Then Dr. Google also says that 104 is a perfectly fine heart rate for an early pregnancy {like the tech said}.

So she has me now crying convinced that my baby is going to die. She says to cancel my first OB appointment {which is what I need according to these people to see a doctor} and to schedule another viability scan next Monday. She then tells me to prepare myself.

I walk out so upset. I almost didn't go to work, but gathered myself and did. I did my research and realized this lady probably has no experience with high-risk pregnancies, or women who do not have a 28-day cycle. My plan is to call the office tomorrow and demand to see a doctor after my scan on Monday. If they say no because I don't have my first OB appointment done, I will kindly remind them they cancelled it for me, and then ask again. If they do not let me see a doctor, I'm going to find a new doctor.

I'm so over this doctor's office. I'm so over being told one thing, then told some thing else. My hope is that this little baby proves her wrong. Because this mama is already totally in love. ♥

{5 days turned into 2}

I got a call this afternoon from the doctor's office. Apparently, when they confirmed my ultrasound for Wednesday, there was no ultrasound to confirm. {I'm losing faith in this OB office by the minute.} So they rescheduled me for Monday morning at 9am. I'm glad they said Monday because Thursday or Friday and I would have been livid. Liv. vid. The only downside was telling the supervisor that I was going to be late on Monday. My job isn't one where I can just take a morning off no problem, they have to find someone to replace me and 1 day's notice is frowned upon. Luckily it worked out. I can already see being a high-risk-pregnant-lady and this job are going to be problematic. Sorry job, this pregnancy is my top priority right now.

I have 2 days. I'm a mix of emotions right now. Part of me is excited-- I see going in there and seeing my little one and hearing the heartbeat and being happy and excited and crying. I see carrying a baby full term and delivering and my dream coming true. This part of me is primarily my heart because I know from the bottom to top of my heart that I am a mother and I want a child more than anything.

The other part of me is protecting me. It's preparing for bad news... or no news... or confusion. It's preparing for those dreaded words, "I'm so sorry but..." It's thinking about all of the ultrasounds I had and all the bad news I got. It's going back to finding no heartbeat with my daughter at 16w. It's going back to being told my next pregnancy was ectopic and had to be ended. It's going back to those moments when I felt like the whole world was against me.

It's hard going from excited to nervous in the same 5 minutes. I'm trying not to think about it and just enjoy this.

This pregnancy so far has been smooth. Everything is right on track. It has been completely different from my last 4. I hope and pray that this pregnancy will be completely successful. For the next 2 days, I am pregnant. For the next 2 days, nothing is wrong. For the next 2 days, I will enjoy this and be thankful.