I had my follow-up and it didn't go as I expected. In fact, I was completely caught off guard by what the OB had to say. They didn't get the test results back so I was totally off guard by her question of what our plan is. From there it got worse. I don't even really want to talk about it, just know, it was bad. I left crying.
Next week I should get a call with the results and then I will go from there. If it says genetically our baby was fine -- then that gives me a bit of hope. If it says she had a rare genetic disorder that only occurs in .001% of pregnancies -- well that gives me a little bit more hope. If it says that there is something really really wrong (which making it to 8 weeks and seeing a heartbeat-- it doesn't seem like this is the case)... then I don't know. I know I will officially -- finally -- freak out.
I started counseling this week too. I already want a new counselor. That's how great that went. I have to see him 5 more times and then I go see someone else. Stupid health insurance.
Decisions -- just the word is overwhelming right now. I don't want to think about any decisions. I'm amazed I was able to decide on a place to live. I'm amazed when I can decide what I want to eat. I'm amazed when I can go to work and focus on what I'm doing and not feel like I'm floating.
Anyways. That's where I am right now. It's over, but I'm still waiting.
Infertility sucks.
